2018-11-01 / Editorial Page

Beware of the skinned chicken with the bird flu?

Nolia’s Notes

It is still October and I just saw a deco­rated Christmas tree on a home shoppers’ station. They are certainly going for the big bucks of Christmas shopping; the sooner, the better for their business.

Now, I am not one to purchase much from television or the internet. I see a picture of a dress or blouse and it is de­scribed to me as a lovely young model smiles and nods, in approval. The host says, “Just feel how luxurious!” I want to say, “Well, fool, I can’t feel it because it is on television!” Call me crazy, but, I like to feel the fabric of the things I purchase and will be wearing.

If you really want to watch something funny, tune in when they are selling a new fragrance. They will say some­thing like, “You will just love our new fragrance called Fire on Shimmering Snow.” The host will then take a deep breath as if to be overwhelmed by the wonderful experience of smelling this product. The sales representative does the same. Moments later they both close their eyes in a dreamy trance and con­firm the fabulous smelling experience. Trouble is we don’t have smell-a-vision. I don’t know about you, but in my opin­ion, Fire on Shimmering Snow, equals mud. I am now trying to conjure up in my head via my nose what this mud must smell like. Buying a fragrance I cannot smell is like buying a fabric I cannot feel. That doesn’t work for me.

In case listeners feel like I do, there is a last suggestion that they hate to mention on the air. “Just buy it, and if you are not completely satisfied, just return it,” they go on to announce. They know that once the product gets inside your home, there are many reasons you will not return it.

Maybe you will be happy with your purchase, but, if not, there is a big chance you will misplace the return slip and packaging over the holidays. Maybe you will just keep the item because the return process is one more thing to deal with on your busy schedule and you will miss the return deadline. Odds are on their side you will pay for the product, like it or not.

Another trick of which I do not ap­prove is showing a beautiful item, such as a wreath. “Only twenty-five dollars,” they will taunt. The wreath will look gor­geous. This is the point where it really pays to be a good listener.

See those little frou-frou pieces throughout that wreath? Each one is an extra charge and may be purchased on the upcoming segment of the show.

See that beautiful bow? That too, is extra, but, no worries. They just happen to have that for purchase, as well.

Do not forget paying shipping and handling charges, etc. and you have a wreath for three hundred and thirty-six dollars and change. Change is another way they have of saying ninety-nine cents!

But of course there is always stretch pay. Don’t get me started on that. Re­member when I said the wreath was twenty-five dollars? That was stretch pay price times four. It pays to be a good reader, as well, because times four equals one hundred dollars!

If you choose to only purchase the wreath without all the other parts, you wind up with a wreath looking like a balsam “skint chicken” as they say in the South, with the bird flu! Look on the bright side. You can always return it! Happy shopping!

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