Watching On Golden Pond again the other night I was struck by one of Katherine Hepburn’s lines to her on-screen daughter, Chelsea. The two were commiserating about the hard feelings Chelsea had against her father for such a long time.

“Oh, Chels, all you can do when you come home is be disagreeable about the past,” says her mother. “What’s the point?

“It doesn’t have to ruin your life, Chels. You’re all grown up now. Aren’t you just so tired of it all? Bore. Bore. Bore.”

I can identify with Ethel (Katherine). There comes a time in everyone’s life when he has to let go of past hurts and imagined slights. Our country today is fueled by misunderstanding, prejudice, and lack of any attitude even hinting at reconciliation, the so-called goal of our country’s present Administration.

I, for one, am so very tired of it all! Maybe you are, too.

For this reason, I’m including in this column an essay of sorts. Its authorship has been attributed to more than a dozen people including George Carlin, Ted Nugent, Ronald Reagan and Rush Limbaugh yet not a one of them has taken credit for it.

As nearly as I can tell, the essay first appeared in an online forum entitled The Free Republic. It’s original title was “I Am a Bad American” and the person who wrote it said he did so in response to a list sent to him by a Democrat friend about how to be a “good Republican.”

So, dear hearts, like so many other things I am innocent of, I did not pen this and I would appreciate that all mail opposing said essay would be sent to The White House or, as far as I’m concerned, to anyone you please. I’M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. I AM A BAD AMERICAN.

“I like big cars and big cigars and I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants me to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don’t care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns does not make you a killer.

I believe it’s called Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I’m better than the homeless. I am not the real Slim Shady; so I think that I’m gonna stay seated right here in this dang comfy chair.

I don’t think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don’t care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or just tick me off.

I don’t hate the rich and I don’t pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake. I think global warming is junk science. I’ve never owned or was a slave. I didn’t wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt; I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so get over it already.

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, pack of cigarettes, or a hotel room, you have to do it in English. As a matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My father and grandfather shouldn’t have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry behind if you’re running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can’t understand the word “Freeze” or “Stop” in English, see the previous paragraph.

I think that if you don’t own something and pay taxes like the rest of us, you should not be allowed to vote. If you can’t read and understand the ballot, same thing.

I don’t think that just because you were not born in this country, you should qualify for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans, etc. so you can open up a hotel, convenience store, trinket shop, or any dadgum thing else.

I know what the definition of lying is.

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount when needed.

I don’t believe any one has ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T, or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn’t mean I want to listen to that c—p from someone else’s car when I’m stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to play it.

I think that being a student doesn’t give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or McDonalds.

I did not go to some foreign country and risk my life in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it’s a “living document, ever-changing, and is open to interpretation.”

I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell’s Angel with an attitude.

I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red-blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, you will serve time. A rubber band and a paper clip are dangerous weapons in the hands of someone with malicious intent.

I didn’t take the initiative in inventing the Internet.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If that ticks you off, then invent the next operating system that’s better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy Gore that invented the Internet to help you.

I don’t believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it ticks me off. You’re telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country, has more value as a human being than I do as a white male. Heck, if someone kills someone, I’d pretty much say that’s a hate crime.

We don’t need more laws. We need to enforce the ones we already have.

I believe that it doesn’t take a village to raise a child; it takes parents with the guts to stand up and spank his behind and say, “NO.”

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don’t pretend they are a political statement.

I didn’t realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a child.

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. This country allows me that right and I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody’s feelings.

I’m neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more steps away.

I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it’s wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are gonna be gang-banging hommies.

I believe in God. My heroes are Abraham Lincoln, Orson Welles, Ronald Reagan, and Roy Rogers. I think creative violence makes movies more interesting and Iraqis more dead.

So yes, I guess I am a bad American. And, oh yeah, I vote….even if it rains.”