H1N1, better known as swine flu, is apparently on its way out, and none too soon.

Piggy pox, as I like to call it, is no laughing matter. Several people have died from this mysterious virus and the CDC has not come out with any more effective way to stop its spread than the usual: wash your hands, don't pick your nose, and use a tissue when you sneeze.

Of course, it is the opinion of some newscasters that the piggy pox is nothing more than any other flu we've had over the years and the country wide panic is not at all justified.

I'm inclined to agree with that, and what's more, my friend (Panic Polly) sent a note to work Monday telling her employer: "I think it's best if I work from home today rather than risk infecting people with my paralyzing fear of swine flu."

Another reason I'm not so concerned: Hannah, a longtime friend from when we were neighbors in Montgomery, Alabama, called me the other day and said, "Well, I guess you'll be the only one alive in a few weeks."

I had no earthly idea who she even was at first, not to mention what she meant. "You know, you got the swine flu shot!"

"Come again?" I asked her, finally recognizing her voice.

"Remember, it was the year Valerie was born and there was a swine flu epidemic and you heard it on the news that there were limited supplies of the serum so you ran straight to the hospital and got your shot!"

I didn't remember that at all, I told her, but I wouldn't deny it, knowing my tendency to overreact every now and then.

"Did you get one?" I asked her.

"Heck no, " I wasn't gonna get one of those things."

I asked her if she remembered whether or not I got the shot for my children but she didn't remember. We both decided they were too young, and my husband was out of town so he missed his, too.

That's been over thirty years now so I doubt I'm in the clear anyway but we had a good laugh about it and I told her I'd be glad to sell her some of my blood, at a slightly elevated price of course, to insure her safety when the flu hits her Atlanta neighborhood. She declined and said she'd take her chances.

That night I received an email from a south Georgia friend who offered some sure fire ways to know if you have the swine flu, so be alert and watch for these signs:

YOU MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU IF:

..You always pig out at food bars. ..You got a traffic ticket for being a road hog.

..You call your bathtub the wallowing hole.

..Looney Tunes offers you a movie contract.

..You are worried about whether pork is the real white meat.

..People think you are snooty.

..You have a jar for bacon drippings on your dresser.

..You keep your valuables in a lard bucket.

..Your breath smells like bacon frying.

..You sizzle when you suntan at the beach.

..You are married to a male chauvinist pig.

..You sleep like a pig in a blanket.

..The butcher asked to take your pulse.

..Your favorite movie is Babe.

..Your favorite book is Olivia the Pig.

..Barbecue restaurants make you nervous.

..Your mother's name is Miss Piggy.

..You keep the baby in the pigpen.

..Your vehicle of choice is a Harley Hog.

..You like to ride piggyback.

..You are developing a sizable potbelly.

..You believe in a high-fat diet.

..Your hair is braided into pigtails.

..Your favorite pastime is mud wrestling.

..Your favorite sports team is the Razorbacks.

..Jimmy Dean wants to adopt you.

..You refer to your kids as the three little pigs.

..You are exercising to get rid of your ham hocks.

..You speak perfect Pig Latin. ..Your fur coat has a curly tail.

..You snort when you laugh.

..You buy your groceries at Piggly- Wiggly.

..You wear a ring in your nose.

..You are living too high on the hog.

..Your kids are named Portia and Porky.

..Your kitchen looks like a pigsty.

..You actually went shopping for a pig in a poke.

..You love mudpack facials.

..You have gravy stains on the front of your clothes.

..You refer to leftovers as pig slop.

..Your dream is to live in hog heaven.

..You think of vacations as "when pigs fly."

And I know you're glad this is the last one——

..Your favorite quotation is: "Th-thth that's all folks!"

Stay well, dear hearts.