Dear Hearts and Gentle People

The first time I fell in love I was nauseous and felt tingly all over.

Turned out I had chicken pox.

Love is difficult, if not impossible, to define but it is something all of us desperately need. And at some time or other, kind of like the measles, we all have to go through it. And, surprise, surprise! It has nothing whatsoever to do with Valentines Day.

Now before you get your heartstamped panties in a wad, I'm talking about real love, not the trumped up sappy, guilt-driven kind espoused by those in the retail industry whose sales of diamonds, chocolate, and flowers soar this time every year. Yep, here I go again wishing we could go back to the good old days when Valentines Day was simpler and, well, blessedly meaningless.

I'm talking about when all that was necessary for a fun Valentines Day was to sign your name to a few construction paper hearts and spread them around in hopes of getting a stuffed teddy bear from somebody, if only your mama and daddy. For one day out of the year everybody liked everybody else, or at least pretended to, and that was enough.

Nowadays, it's all so serious. If you don't give your friend or girlfriend a diamond, a truckload of flowers, a Lexus, or a cruise, you're liable to be on the stinker list for the rest of the year. Noooo, a box of chocolates isn't enough anymore. Not when you can have a personalized 7-foot teddy bear sporting an emerald bracelet delivered to your door.

Is that real love? Or is it guilt that urges us to spend money on what others think Valentines Day ought to be? How romantic is that, going into debt again when you've just finished paying off Christmas??

You want romance? Send me some flowers or give me some candy on an ordinary day and I'll show you romance!

I guess I'm simply saying that Valentines Day is less fun than it used to be and a whole lot more expensive, and you really don't have to go into financial hock to spread good cheer and a little affection. Okay, pick up a $2 card at the grocery store, maybe a few bars of candy. That's a plenty. Share a laugh or two. Write a poem. Something catchy, like these:

Roses are red, Violets are blue Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, The violets are dead The sugar bowl's empty And so is your head.

Or maybe this:

I see your face when I am dreaming

That's why I always wake up screaming.

Be creative. Simple, thoughtful gestures can mean so much.

Perhaps, more important than what you say is to be there when you say it. Consider the long-ago case of Charlie and Ruth:

Seems Charlie decided to buy a special Valentines gift for his new girlfriend, Ruth. They had not been dating long so Charlie didn't want to spend a lot of money but he wanted to make a nice gesture just the same.

Ruth was always complaining about having cold hands so Charlie, after careful consideration, decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Charlie wanted a woman's opinion so he took his sister with him to buy the gloves. They found a nice pair of gloves at the store, and while they were there Charlie's sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

Unfortunately, the sales clerk got the two packages mixed up and handed Charlie his sister's instead of his own. Charlie mailed his Valentines Day gift to Ruth, with the following note enclosed:

Dear Ruth, I chose this gift for you as I noticed you often don't wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.

These are a lovely color. The lady at the store where I bought them showed me the pair she had been wearing for the last three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her tried yours on for me and they did look quite lovely.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will be kissing them in the future. I do hope you'll wear them Friday night for me. Love, Charlie.

Now I don't know what became of Charlie and Ruth's romance but if it survived this little blunder, I'll bet their life together was chock-full of love and laughter.

Here's wishing the same for all of you, dear hearts. Happy Valentines Day!