"Oh-My-Lord!! Please tell me you didn't join Facebook!" said my teenager nephew.

"Yes, I did," I told him. "What's wrong with that?"

"Everything!" he said. "You're... gosh, how old are you anyway? You're too old to be on Facebook."

Well, now my feelings were hurt, but I explained to him that I had not jumped on the internet one day specifically looking for someone to be my "friend." My sister-in-law, the missionary in Korea, insisted I join up so we could share pictures, ideas, and pretty much literally see how the other side of the world lived. She and I were already friends so we just skipped the introductions and forged ahead.

Trouble is, I've become addicted to the poor thing and Ann seldom even signs in on it. I guess missionary work is a little more time consuming that I'd thought. So here I am, left alone on Facebook to make friends with every person within a 20 mile radius of Lincoln County....most of whom are not old enough to shave their legs or their faces.

I can hear someone saying, "What in the Sam Hill is she talkin' about, Wilbur??"

Well, Facebook is, putting it simply, a website on the computer that provides a way to spy on anybody and everybody who is willing to click the little "Yes" button by the question, "Will you be my friend?" I mean, that's it. That's all there is to it. After that, it's like sneaking into their homes and, photo by photo, peering over their shoulders and hearing all their conversations to boot.

Facebook really started out as a social network for students; now it's open to anybody with an e-mail address. The first thing I did when I joined was search for friends my age and when I couldn't find any I searched for friends who were my children's ages. Oddly enough, they accepted my invitations and we now have a high old time sharing hobbies, gripes, joys, and in some cases, where they are at any given minute! Takes nosiness to a whole new realm.

There is a Status Update feature that explains what you are doing right now, this very minute. For instance, "Patti has run to the grocery store for some bread." Or, "Michael is sooooo wishing school would start." Or, "Julia loves this summer weather!" Or, "Mickie is taking her sleeping pill and going to bed."

There's also a Profile feature that sums you up in a few lines like: Sex: Female; Relationship Status: Married; Looking for: My keys (I found out later most people put things like 'friendship' 'boys' and 'networking' in that spot.) Then, Birthday; Hometown; Political Views; Religious Views. And let me tell you, dear hearts, you would be amazed at some of what goes under those last two categories!

Under 'Religious Views' one searching soul wrote: 'Any Suggestions?'

Then there's the Profile Picture. I, of course, chose a Glamour Shot of about 15 years ago and, I might add, have several compliments on it.....and several inquiries like "Who the heck is THAT? And what happened to Mickie's profile?"

You can draw cute little pictures on Facebook and send them to your friends. You can "buy" gifts, send greetings, and offer liquid beverages on Facebook, although I've never figured that one out.

One of the most interesting things about Facebook to me is that everybody contributes photo albums. Yes, just like the photo albums you have on your shelves at home. You know, the ones you keep hidden and promised yourself no one in the world would ever see?

Yep, those.

Some people have albums dating back to when they were toddlers; some when they were wed; some when they graduated high school and college; and, yes, some that could come back to haunt them if ever viewed by a prospective employer or, worse yet, a PARENT! You know the ones. Sissy got a little tipsy at the sorority party and ended up with her pants on her head and her tank top on her....well, you know.

Still, I find the website and its concept a lot of fun and it's a nice way to end the day by seeing how others have made it through theirs. And I won't lie. I do love to look at the occasional classmate's picture (the classmates whose children have added a few snapshots without their permission) and there, in the privacy of my bedroom, laugh my britches off at how they've aged and I haven't!

Like C.S. Lewis once said, "We read to know we're not alone," I look at Facebook everyday to know I'm not alone. I mean look, if I'm gonna take a toddy, get my knickers in a knot, and tie them over my head, I dern sure would like to know somebody else has done it, too.

The nephew I mentioned at the beginning of this column is now my "friend" on Facebook. I have not divulged one bit of information about him to his parents, nor will I. I expect the same courtesy from him, especially since I'm old and infirmed, and give him money from time to time.

Want to be my friend, dear heart? Your secrets are safe with me (for a price). You can reach me via www.facebook.com.