Are you like I am, dear hearts, sick to death of all the political advertisements on the television, the radio, and in all the newspapers?

I just don't understand why candidates spend all that money (way over three billion dollars if projections are correct) trying to convince you and me that he/she is the best candidate for the job of President of the United States.

If I've half a brain, I've been watching these folks a long time now and, as the movie title says, "I saw you and I know what you did!" I know what your voting record has been on issues from right-to-life to gun-control and I know who you are and from whence you came. I know if you've cheated on your taxes, your wife, or both. I know if you'd rather, like my granddaddy used to say, "climb up a tree to tell a lie than to stand on the ground and tell the truth."

Honestly, I don't need to see you spouting rhetoric on a stage with other candidates who are doing the same. Chances are, none of you will follow through on your lofty promises anyway, not completely, so stay off the television and let me watch Wheel of Fortune. Besides, how can a 60 minute debate be the summation of what any candidate believes on any given issue?

And what's the point of all those ridiculous hideously expensive commercials for the candidates? Do they really expect some tear-jerker Madison Avenue hype to influence my vote? One of the ads features a female candidate staring up at the American flag while a voice-over booms in the background. "America is ready for a woman president!"

Oh really? Wow, I didn't know that! I guess I'll have to vote for her then.

Probably not.

In my humble but accurate opinion, just because someone was once married to a President doesn't necessarily mean that that someone is capable of being President. I'm sort of like the comedian Chris Rock who said, "Being married to somebody doesn't make you good at their job. If you get on a plane tomorrow, do you want the pilot's wife flying you?"

And don't get me started on the recorded phone call solicitation messages! I get TAPED messages from candidates who actually expect me to stand there and listen to a TAPE! If they think I'm that stupid, then they're even stupider for wasting their time and money to solicit my vote. I'd rather be bribed.

It is all so predictable. Candidate A says: "Candidate B wants to replace the American flag at all public schools with one that says "We Love Oprah." Candidate B wants all senior citizens to work in sweat shops making football uniforms. Candidate B sleeps around.

I am Candidate A and I love the American flag and Oprah. I love Senior Citizens. I am a Senior Citizen and the only place I sleep is in my recliner. Again, I am Candidate A and I approve this message."

Now, what's all that about? If someone else is talking about a candidate and you hear the candidate's voice at the end of the message saying, "I am So-and-So and I approve this message," well fine. But what about the ones where you're looking square into the face of the candidate, you're hearing the words come out of his mouth, and still, at the end, he says, "I'm So-and-So and I approve this message."

Well of course you do, you moron. YOU'RE SAYING IT.

Are we supposed to believe that unless we hear a candidate express his approval of his own words, even though we plainly see and hear him, that he is lying to us?

As far as I'm concerned I'd just as soon they'd all shut up and go home. Send me one "Please vote for me" postcard in the mail and be done with it. I'd have more respect for them.

Look. Whatever I say to you is not going to sway your vote one way or the other and neither can you sway mine. I don't see why we don't just dispense with all the campaigning and do the thing that matters most, VOTE. Do your own research on each candidate. Sure, you may have to go to the public library and use its computer to find voting records and personal histories but it's doable. Don't believe what you see on television, hear on the radio, or read in any other paper, except the Lincoln Journal, of course.

Don't let Aunt Suzybelle tell you how to vote, or Uncle Cletis, just because he says he's been a [Republican or Democrat] "all my life!" Use your own brain, your own logic and common sense. And don't be duped into thinking that the government can solve all our problems. It can't.

Of all the presidents I've known, the one I've loved best is Ronald Reagan, who said this: "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives. Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." Be pro-active in this most important election, dear hearts. Our future depends on it.

I'm Mickie McGee and, yes, I approve this message.