I'm in a rather pensive mood this morning so I am mentally reevaluating my life to see what needs to change, what attitudes need to go, which ones need to stay, and to figure out pretty much why I am the way I am.

All of us have our own belief systems that regulate our thoughts and actions every day but life being what it is, things change, people change, so it makes sense that our attitudes and beliefs often change, too.

With that in mind, here are some of my current beliefs:

I believe that women who paint white tips on their long toenails as if they were fingernails have ancestors who once walked on their all fours.

I believe that real friends should not have to call before they visit.

I believe that we value nice homes a lot more than we value close friendships.

I believe people who think rap music beats Perry Como and Johnny Mathis should have their heads examined.

I believe that if you are a businessman and have to advertise that you are a Christian, you probably have something to hide.

I believe that you can make or break a child's spirit in first grade.

I believe that if it had not been for Mrs. Willie Ruth Freeman, I'd have never stayed in school past fourth grade.

I believe that all food diets are from the pit of hell.

I believe that sweet tea is the single best tasting beverage of all time.

I believe that you should do something every day that gives you pleasure regardless of what anybody else thinks about it.

I believe that God doesn't play hideand seek games with us or snatch his love away when we make mistakes and fall into sin.

I believe a woman who wears suntan hose with white sandals should be made to marry a man who wears sandals and black socks.

I believe that if you are a mother and you say you never worry about your children, you're a liar.

I believe if you work for someone and he is paying your salary, you ought to be loyal to him and not talk behind his back. If you don't like him, quit.

I believe that if at all possible, mothers of little babies should stay at home and raise them.

I believe that whoever makes those Benedryl tablet packages that are impossible to open should be killed.

I believe that yogurt is the single worst tasting stuff on the planet.

I believe that any mother is a working mother, even if she doesn't get a paycheck.

I believe that if you come from another country to the United States to live, by golly, you should learn our language. If we want to learn yours, we'll invade your country.

I believe old people are the salt of the earth and we don't listen to them nearly enough.

I believe that if you go to church on Sunday you should always eat lunch out.

I believe that it is the height of rudeness to leave someone on the phone while you "catch" another call.

I believe that God loves me and that He wants me to move ahead instead of feeling so guilty all the time.

I believe that if a poem doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem. It's just a bunch of gibberish.

I believe that people with known emotional problems are treated like lepers when, truth be known, all of us have them at one time or another.

I believe that if you don't know someone personally you shouldn't be allowed to preach his funeral.

I believe that letter grades should not be given in first grade. "Satisfactory" and "Unsatisfactory" is all that is necessary. I believe in Santa Claus.

I believe in the Easter Bunny.

I believe in Visa Platinum cards.

I believe that everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

I believe that Andy, Barney, Aunt Bee, and Opie were the best role models we ever had.

I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe that school should not start until September and not end until the last of May.

I believe Jesus likes non-denominational churches.

I believe Kudzu is quite lovely.

I believe I'd better round this up so I can go get some exercise while the night is young. (And if you believe that, dear hearts, you'll believe anything.)