We’ve been accused of it many times but this time we stand guilty as charged. The Lincoln Journal’s literally talkin’ trash.

A good portion of last week’s paper, front page and back, was devoted to concerns over the county’s garbage disposal problem. We are up to our necks in trash and we have nowhere to put it. I had no idea.

Of course, I also never thought the day would come when taking out the trash meant paying somebody hundreds of dollars to do it. In my day the solution to waste disposal was simple. My daddy would stuff it all in a 55-gallon drum and set a match to it. Poof. No more trash.

Nowadays, not only are we forbidden to burn our trash, before we can even think of ridding ourselves of it we must spend hours separating it into recyclable piles. One for plastic, one for biodegradables, one for glass, one for batteries, and the list is endless.

We just keep making pile after pile of throwaway stuff yet it seems we never actually throw anything away. I envision little mountains of trash all over the county before long; kind of like we’ve been taken over by giant fire ants.

I suppose the fact we own more things today than ever before is reason enough for trouble getting rid of it. We are a disposable society after all and God forbid we should keep anything when a newer version of it hits the market.

If you don’t believe me take a drive one day out to the city dump. Look at all the household appliances that fill the bins. Once devalued by consignment to the dump, a discarded item is somehow not fit for salvage, especially if a newer, fancier model of it has taken its place.

Here in the United States we produce more reusable trash than any other nation so is it any wonder that we are drowning in a cesspool of our own making? One solution, it would seem, is to stop buying stuff but you know as I do, that is not likely to happen.

We are reminded a hundred times a day to buy things we don’t need, but never to repair, reuse, or give away. We have become garbage specialists. We have learned to stack up our junk into all the right piles, but they are piles nonetheless and we keep adding to them.

I just don’t think our forefathers spent an awful lot of time worrying over how to dispose of their trash. And as far as biodegradables go, it is said the Plains Indians “used every part of the buffalo.” Nothing was ever wasted. Our grandparents were like that, too. Remember “waste not-want not?”

The colonists in Virginia commonly buried their trash: animal bones, glass, building debris, and suits of armor. Pigs were allowed to roam the streets to take care of edible garbage. Of course, the pigs left behind another kind of garbage but that’s another story.

Unusables were rare but if something (or in a few unfortunate cases, somebody) was useless, it was either burned or buried.

In fact, I think this is one area wherein the Yankees still have us beat. You’ll never catch them with washing machines and old sofas on their front porches, no sirree.

Look Dear Hearts, I’m a little like Barney Fife when I say we’ve got to nip this garbage thing in the bud. Nip it. Nip it. Nip it.

We’ve got to work together to make Lincoln County the clean county it once was and I think I know how to do it. We must become trash sniffers. Yes, that’s it.

We need to start checking out one another’s garbage and making good use of those things that are salvageable. Lose all your inhibitions and crawl right over into that neighbor’s trashcan, that rolling bin of potential treasure. Once you get past the smell, you might find just the thing you’ve been searching for and thought you’d only find at Target.

I had an aunt once who loved scouting out garbage dumpsters. The sad thing was though, she only did it in the dark of night, when she wouldn’t be seen and thereby ridiculed. She found some really nice items, too. A rusty toaster-oven for one. Once recycled it became a unique depository for her outgoing mail. The one-legged flamingo was a bad choice, however, but heck, they can’t all be winners.

So I say, swallow your pride, put on your rubber gloves, clothespin your nose, and dive right in. Pilfer through until you hit bottom. Do your bit for the environment. It’s your duty after all, as a resident of this great county, to put an end to this nasty time-consuming disposal problem.

Lincoln County will only be the better for it and the very act of dumpjumping will promote camaraderie among us. What better way to get to know your neighbors than to slop around in their garbage for a couple of days?

Besides, if you’re lucky, you’ll find a handy new play-pretty or maybe even a rare Object D’Art. If not, as a last resort you can always store whatever you can’t use on your front porch, right next to the refrigerator.